Philosophical Suicide

July 31, 2011 at 3:01 pm | Posted in curhat | 1 Comment

bulan dalam gelap

There will be time in your life when you begin to believe (no matter how hard you try not to) that resignation is the answer for everything — a virtue one should always hold to keep his sanity. I’m told that this happens by the time you hit 30 or when you have a kid. Katakanlah: this is the time when you have to grow up (ah, kata ini!). This is not the end of the world. Sure. It’s just that you can no longer see life as it was presented to you when you were 22 and just graduated from university; when you looked for a job and wanted to try everything; when you thought that life was a sea of possibilities where ‘anything is possible’ and that there was nothing that could stop you from becoming the person you wanted to be. I will be 30 by the time my first child (god willing) is born. So yeah I think I have to open that door and step into a world where the grown-ups live — where no one is allowed to complain for it is nauseatingly juvenile to do so. I can live without complaining, I hope. But I don’t know if I could ever stop questioning and pondering about life — oh, how I want to light a cigarette and stare blankly at the moon tonight. Bagi rokok, lex.  

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  1. Memang tak sama. Haha. Setan kali memang. Waktu begitu tajam. Dan banyak hal yang dulu tampak 1+1 = 2 kini bisa jadi 3. Terutama setelah kita berbini dan menolak alat + obatan anjuran BKKBN. Hidup tak lagi sama. Meski kegalauan tetap ada ketika sendiri melekat-pandang angkasa. Atau ketika memandang lain nyawa tidur pulas dalam rangkulan di dada.
    Merokoklah sekali-dua. Hidup menua. Jadi biar saja ganti sekali udara kau tuba. Karena kadang bisa terasa sama tarik-hembusan asap ke angkasa memberi rasa: entah apa tiba esok lusa, diri sudah tak peka meraba-rasa apa-apa.

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