Retrospective Reflection of the PresentFebruary 24, 2009 at 4:11 pm | Posted in filsafat | 11 Comments
Tags: ambiguity, existence, nothingness
I decided to wait for a day when there’s nothing left to say for anything to anyone. It would be the day when nothing’s worth telling but regret and hopelessness, or when silence speaks everything you want to say. I have come to the conclusion that the core of our existence lies in its ambiguity, in its being problematic. I believe the Supreme Existence — the time and space in which the ‘I’-ness of myself resides — exists in its utmost problematic ambiguity. I know that whatever I do, feel and think or whatever decision I have made is neither right nor wrong, neither true nor false, neither good nor bad. The whole life is a theatrical stage of ambiguity, of men’s great struggle to overcome their problematic existence. I wish I knew how to deal with my ignorance. I wish I had the courage to embrace all novel things in the world and let them shatter everything I firmly hold. I wish I were capable of grasping the whole truth of everything, of every tiny little thing that is to my consciousness. But I know, and I always know, that life to me is a monthly salary to spend, a family to care about, a girlfriend to love and dreams to dream. I believe I’m the center of my universe for it, in its totality, may not, and cannot, reveal itself when I’m gone, when I no longer AM. I don’t know if the word “die” fits the meaning and the total concept of being gone, of being nothing I’m trying to say here, but I think the word gone is more precise. I’m not sure about this, but I got the feeling that nothingness, the condition of non-existence, is probably the way out of this problematic and ambiguous existence. But, again, I’m not sure. Nothingness may lead us to another ambiguity.
Blogspot, Dec. 25, 2006.
ps: new header by aris susanto