Retrospective Reflection of the Present

February 24, 2009 at 4:11 pm | Posted in filsafat | 11 Comments
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I decided to wait for a day when there’s nothing left to say for anything to anyone. It would be the day when nothing’s worth telling but regret and hopelessness, or when silence speaks everything you want to say. I have come to the conclusion that the core of our existence lies in its ambiguity, in its being problematic. I believe the Supreme Existence — the time and space in which the ‘I’-ness of myself resides — exists in its utmost problematic ambiguity. I know that whatever I do, feel and think or whatever decision I have made is neither right nor wrong, neither true nor false, neither good nor bad. The whole life is a theatrical stage of ambiguity, of men’s great struggle to overcome their problematic existence. I wish I knew how to deal with my ignorance. I wish I had the courage to embrace all novel things in the world and let them shatter everything I firmly hold. I wish I were capable of grasping the whole truth of everything, of every tiny little thing that is to my consciousness. But I know, and I always know, that life to me is a monthly salary to spend, a family to care about, a girlfriend to love and dreams to dream. I believe I’m the center of my universe for it, in its totality, may not, and cannot, reveal itself when I’m gone, when I no longer AM. I don’t know if the word “die” fits the meaning and the total concept of being gone, of being nothing I’m trying to say here, but I think the word gone is more precise. I’m not sure about this, but I got the feeling that nothingness, the condition of non-existence, is probably the way out of this problematic and ambiguous existence. But, again, I’m not sure. Nothingness may lead us to another ambiguity.

Blogspot, Dec. 25, 2006.

ps: new header by aris susanto


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  1. wah bisa-bisanya saya pertamax :mrgreen:
    Ini refleksi siapa toh? Gentole bukannya baru 1 tahun lebih ngeblog? Tanggalnya kok 2006…
    Saya rasa konteksnya bukan silence = diam/ sunyi, tapi hening. Belajar hening, maka akan banyak topik ambigu pelan-pelan bisa dimengerti.

  2. Lagi nyepi? 😀

  3. @illuminationist
    Itu bukan di WordPress.
    @abuya alex
    Tiba-tiba merasa dunia begitu berisik.

  4. Tiba-tiba merasa dunia begitu berisik.

    Dunia “berisik” saja postingan kontemplatifnya dah kek gini, apalagi kalau dunia “bising”, pasti tulisannya sepanjang Di Art op Biliping-nya Geddoe 😯

  5. ^
    wah, tagnya salah
    masbro gentole, benerin yah
    terima kasih

  6. In the office it’s the constant hum of the computer. In the supermarket it’s the steady buzz of conversation. At home it’s the little sounds of children at play. These sounds are woven into the very fabric of my life and they assure me that its operation is smoothly at work. Even as life’s incessant clanging drives me desperate at times, even as I crave a moment’s peace, I know that I find these sounds reassuring. Should the little noises ever stop purring, I know I would crave these most elementary indicators of life.

    Even in serenity there is mild activity, even in relaxation there is slight movement, even in peace there is muted sound. When I imagine relaxation I conjure up images of playing children, whispering breezes and gentle waves. I think of floating yachts, flying seagulls, and the shimmering rays of sun. These may be tranquil activities, placid movements, relaxing voices, but they are movement and sound nonetheless.

    Beyond life spans a vast stillness. When all is achieved and activity has ceased, when there is nothing left to strive for and nothing left to attain, then we can afford silence.

  7. @esensi
    Ah, brisik. :mrgreen:

    …when there is nothing left to strive for and nothing left to attain, then we can afford silence.

    That. My friend. Is. Peace!

  8. Dostoyevski bilang lewat tokoh aku di Catatan Bawah Tanah: “Aku akan menyerahkan lidahku kepada barangsiapa yang dapat menghilangkan keinginanku untuk menjulurkannya.”

    Berbahagialah yang masih suka melet-melet. :-p

  9. @agamaitucandu
    Wah saya suka banget ama novel itu!!
    Saya liat di toko buku, buku itu dipaket ulang buat remaja. 😀

  10. @ahgentole

    Berarti anak aneh di Indonesia akan bertambah lebih cepat lagi.

  11. @ atas + atasnya lagi
    ya wis kalian dari sekarang siap-siap bikin klubnya orang-orang aneh :mrgreen:

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